Surviving as a Band Girlfriend - How to Date a Musician

List: Posted: 09/12/11

When you were young, your parents probably read you fairy stories about princes and princesses and happily every after. Every little girl wants to be a princess, but as you grow older, those dreams tend to fade to be replaced by the grind of daily life.


One great escape from the humdrum of reality is the world of entertainment - going to a movie or a music concert is a great form of escapism. To many young women, those fanciful dreams of becoming a princess become quickly replaced with dreams of dating or marrying a rock star or movie actor - the closest thing we have to a modern-day 'prince.'  Musicians and actors are adored worldwide by vast armies of fans, travel the world in luxury, and never want for money or job security like the rest of us.


But are those dreams far-fetched? Who wouldn't want to date a rock star? After all, the media portrays the lives of the famous as glamorous, luxurious and decadent.


However, the reality is that only the top 1% (if that) of actors and musicians ever reach a point in their careers where they become famous enough to command a high salary. For the rest, they are either on their way up or on their way down. If you fall in love with a musician, rest assured you'll be in for an interesting life, although maybe not the life you ever imagined for yourself.


Here are a few tips to help you survive....

Making Their Mark


All bands go through the same process of making their mark, and it's one that involves many years of blood, sweat and tears. For every band that winds up playing areana stadiums, there's a thousand others who never break the '50 fan' mark. For each 100 fans the band gains, they will have played on average of 70 gigs, in venues ranging from open mike venues to steakhouses, dive bars and even supermarket parking lots.


Those good at promoting themselves can often become an instant sensation overnight shoudl one of their songs 'take off' after a TV or radio appearance. For the rest of them, they gain fans the old fashioned way - by playing gigs. Lots of them. They say it takes ten years of hard work to become an overnight success, and this is never truer than when it comes to the music industry.

Remember That Music is Your Man's Job


If you date a career musician, you must remember that he takes his shows and gigs as seriously as you take your own job. For most musicians, getting a gig takes a huge amount of time and effort, and if the band is booked to do a show, it can and will superceed anything else you have planned as a couple. If a venue offers your man's band a gig, there will be an enormous amount of pressure on your man to accept it, even if it's a last minute show. If his band gets a gig on your anniversary, birthday, during a booked holiday or at Christmas, you can take it as read that he will have to play the show.

Why Going on Tour is Not Like Going On Holiday


As a band girlfriend, you may have a starry eyed vision of yourself riding around in the band tour bus, eating out at exclusive restaurants, and sitting in the VIP section at every show. The reality is that both gigging and touring is hard slog. International travel is both physically and mentally exhausting, and not for the faint hearted. If you do get a coveted spot on the tour bus, it's likely that you'll find yourself crammed into a small van for days or even weeks at a time with the terminally bored band members and all their gear.


To Attend Gigs or Not?


The media paints the life of a rock star as easy. All he has to do is lie in his trailer all day, then breeze through makeup and wardrobe backstage before hitting the stage for showtime.In real life, only the most successful bands can afford roadies, and if your band's band hasn't yet reached that point, guess who's going to be setting up the band equipment before each show, and packing it away afterward? If you go along to a gig you'll more often than not find yourself pressed into service setting up cables, carrying heavy gear and running dozens of errands for the band members and venue production staff. If you're not technically minded or you don't fancy breaking your nails every night, you'd do best to stay home.


Dealing With Fans


Ah, fans. Fans are the lifeblood of every band - live music couldn't survive without them. Vednues and clubs judge a band not by the qualityof their music, but by the number of fans the bands bring in through their doors for the show - this is called the band's 'draw.' If your man's band has fans then be prepared to treat each and every one of them as though they were a member of your own family - even those who are rude, pushy or even downright obnoxious.


If you are the jealous type, it's probably best not to date a muscician. Male muscicians will inevitably attract female fans, regardless of their looks (and for the lookers, sometimes regardless of their ability to play). If you choose to attend all your man's shows,













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    The material in this article is for informational purposes only. The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of See Additional Information

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